No Limits, Just Epiphanies

This is one of about 8 bajillion videos based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown (whose website you can find here, and whose viral TEDtalks can be viewed here. She also has written a few books which you can find on her website if you fall as deeply in love with her work as I have.)



To give a quick summary of the work of Brené Brown, allow me to use a few simple equations.

Ashamed or afraid person + Ashamed or afraid person = disconnection

Vulnerable person + Vulnerable person = connection

connection = wholehearted person

Here are a few key points I love about Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW:

-If all those letters weren't written behind her name, you may not even know she's a research scientist. She makes her work unbelievably accessible and understandable for even the average Joe. And she uses examples and phrases that you would actually hear coming out of someone's mouth, not a dusty, boring textbook paragraph.

-The way she talks make you feel like you're grabbing lunch with an old friend who has some outstanding advice, not a doctorate-holding research professor at a graduate school of Social Work who is trying to tell you how to live your life. Even though she covers some dauntingly hard-to-swallow topics, she somehow just puts you at ease.

-I honestly believe that "catching this wave" can change lives. For the better. The issues she addresses just hit home for anyone who has a heartbeat. "Shame is easily understood as the fear of disconnection." If you've never felt afraid, ashamed, or disconnected, then this blog post is not for you. Otherwise, I encourage and fully support the spreading of the work of Dr. Brené Brown.

Some of my favorite quotes of hers:

Basically, my version of the moral of the Brené Brown story is that according to the world (and far too often, according to myself) I may never be

Pretty enough

Unique enough

Skinny enough

Strong enough

Smart enough

Creative enough

Tough enough

Sensitive enough

Wise enough

But it doesn't matter. Because what the most vulnerable of vulnerable allows me to say is:

I am enough.  

Me. 

Not because of what I can do, or the important people I know, or the things I like.

Just me. 

And once a person can see that they are worthy of love and belonging, they can start helping other people embrace that truth as well. Because when you are working from a place of  owning your worthiness, it sure feels a lot different than working from a place where you are constantly trying to prove it.

And if that's not a message we each need to hear, I don't know what is.

The First 50...Part 2!

Well, what do you know? This is my 50th blog post! If you read my first post ever, you would likely think along the same lines as I - that this day would never come! Today's post's title comes from a previous post by a similar title written after my first 50 days of college, down at SUU. My oh my how things have changed since then! Life moves fast I suppose.

As many of you already know, or can clearly glean from the fact that i'm writing this post, I am home from my mission. I got back about 3 weeks ago. I have thought about writing this post a couple of different times since then, but today I decided to just sit down and do it. I'm home on a medical release, and I don't have many hard, set in stone details or plans to be able to share right now. But the one thing I can and will say is that I have received witness after witness that being home to be able to take care of things is exactly where I need to be and what I need to be doing. My heart aches for the mission. I miss the people, the language, the schedule, my companions, the badge, the chance to share my testimony so freely and so openly every day, etc... But above all, I know that this is where I need to be right now. It's not easy. It's not fun. But it is what's right for me.

So, the trip home from Asuncion, Paraguay to Logan, UT was quite long. We were awake for about 46 hours by the time my head hit the pillow the next day. Thankfully, I had a wonderful travel companion who helped the incredibly long flights and layovers pass quickly. Hermana Goimarac and I had a fun time trying to remember how to speak full english, especially when trying to share the gospel. I always thought that when missionaries would come home and give their homecoming talks and couldn't think of a word in English, that they were just faking it for dramatic effect. But, no! It's a real thing haha. Anyways, on one of the flights, I shared with Hna Goimarac some lyrics to a song that I had sort of rewritten, and she encouraged me to post them when I got home. So today, I decided to make this video and share the song. I hope you all enjoy it and can feel the Savior's love for each one of you. I'll probably post more about the mission later, but for now, here's the song!

I'd hoped they'd call me on a mission

When I had grown a foot or two

I tried my hardest to be ready

To teach and preach and work as missionaries do

I'm glad they called me on a mission

So I could learn a thing or two

My faith has grown more firm and steady

As I cried and sweat and laughed as missionaries do

I'm glad they called me on a mission

Al hablar la idioma español

Through entertaining language study

Aprendí a reirme en vez de querer llorar

I'm glad they called me on a mission

To let the Savior know me through and through

He's led me by the hand so gently

To comfort, lift, and heal as only He can do

This life is kind of like a mission

Though it takes more than a year or two

Through Christ I know we can be ready

To stand before the judgement seat with hope renewed

"It's great to have the Gospel. It's even better to live it."

Y no temerè

A line from one of my favorite hymns, The Lord Is My Light, in spanish :)

Well. It sure has been a while eh? Sometimes that happens when you finish school for the next 2 or so years, move 300+ miles, start training for a new job, get called to be a primary teacher for the 5-6 year olds, etc... Oh, and RECEIVE YOUR MISSION CALL!!! (Which in turn creates more things that leave less time for blogging. ie: going through and returning to the temple, taking mission prep after work, reading the Book of Mormon in your mission language, getting 8 bazillion immunizations, applying for visas/getting FBI clearance, and so on and so forth)


Where am I going, you may ask? Well, there are a few options on how to find out.



1-Have had any contact with me whatsoever the past 54 days



2-Watch this video

3-Scroll down

My call came to my parent's house in Logan while I was still at school in Cedar City. So I met up with my family and a few friends at Temple Square. Not wanting to drive all the way back to Cedar that same night, I and my good friend Alyssa stayed at her parent's house in Orem. Her fantastic mom had this cute little sign made up and hanging by the time we got there from SLC!

Oh! And if you selected option #2 (watched the video), you'll notice that at one point my mom says "You're going to My Argentina!" When my mom was in her early teens, her dad was a mission president in Cordoba, Argentina. Thus, my mom lived there for a few years. It wasn't until a few minutes later when I opened my call booklet and noticed that both my mission president and his wife had served their individual missions in Cordoba, Argentina. Coincidence? I think not! But wait, it gets better :) I show my mom their picture, and she recognizes my mission president's wife! Long story short, my grandpa was my mission president's mission president! As well as my mission president's wife! AKA my mom knows my mission president and his wife. You just can't make this stuff up. CIT!

Anyways, let me go ahead and just type out the conversation i've had with everybody the past month and a half, for convenience. 

                                                                                                                               

-I heard you got your call! What mission are you going to?

Paraguay Asuncion North

-Cool! Um...Where is Paraguay?

It's in South America. It's kind of in a Brazil and Argentina sandwich

-Wow! Is that Spanish speaking?

I'll be learning Spanish in the MTC, but they also have an indigenous language called Guarani. I've been told by a few folks that i'll likely learn a few phrases in Guarani, but it won't be the main conversational language. 

-How exciting! Don't you already know Spanish?

Um, more or less. I could probably hold a broken conversation in Spanish if I had to, but i'm by no means fluent. And even then, most of my experience is in Mexican Spanish, and each country's Spanish can vary SOOOO much. 

-Gotcha. Well, when do you leave? 

I report to the Argentina MTC on April 25

-They have an MTC in Argentina!?

Apparently! I didn't know that either. But yes, i'll be in Buenos Aires for 6 weeks (which is awesome because the MTC and the Buenos Aires Temple are on the same grounds!)

-Awesome! Well, are you excited? Nervous? Scared?

Yes. All of the above. Haha, i'm really not all that scared per se, but that's probably because that still feels like it's forever away. For now, i'm just reading Preach My Gospel, reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish, taking Mission Prep at the USU Institute, and taking each day as it comes. 

                                                                                                                                

There is so much that could be said about the last few months. Lessons I never knew I needed to learn, people I never knew I needed to meet, experiences I never knew I needed to have. It's all kind of one big jumbled mess in my mind right now, but perhaps as I sort them out more and more, i'll post about them. For now, the one thing I can say to describe it all comes from 2 Ne 9:10, and that is...

O how great the goodness of our God

The Beauty of Grace is That It Makes Life Not Fair

Dang that F chord! Oh well :) Have a great Saturday everybody!

Be My Escape - Relient K

My face is the size and shape of a chipmunk

Otherwise, this whole wisdom teeth thing is a total bust.

Watching As The World Goes Hammering On

Do It Now - Ingrid Michaelson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksFNaVCg8ao

Some stuff about my life:

-I just switched my major to Family Life and Human Development with an emphasis in Family and Community Services, and a minor in Sociology. And i'm getting my Associate's in December.

As a side note, you know you've worked with insurances in a medical office too long when you go to type the word "human" and automatically type "humana". 

-My good friend Alyssa and I are learning to play the song that this posts' title is from. (Lyss on piano, guitar for me)

-I am in love with guitar. I'm still not very good at it, but i'm okay with that.

-I just watched the US Women's National Soccer team play Australia and win 6-2. I cannot get enough of the USWNT.

-Today started with being at the school at 8 AM to help Student Host the SUU Career Fair. I had some amazing networking opportunities and feel really good about a few job prospects gained there. I then took a test for my Honors Nutrition class, went back to Student Host for 4 more hours, went to Geology of National Parks, came home and had PB&J's with Jane and watched Pride and Prejudice. Took Michelle to Applebee's for her birthday, and then we came back to my apartment and watched the rest of the USWNT match. This is a fairly typical day.

-I recently applied for admission, scholarships, and the Honor's program at USU. Nothing is set in stone, but i'm seriously considering transferring next fall. We'll see how it all pans out.

-I am in love with the movie Brave. My roommate Becca and I quote it non-stop. In accents.

-ingridmichaelsoningridmichaelsoningridmichaelsoningridmichaelsoningridmichaelson

-My hair is weird. Not as weird as being bald. But still weird. Some days I think it would be easier to just be bald again. Only some days.

-College is amazing. Learning is amazing. Money sucks. But I already knew that. The past month has just been a wonderful reminder.

-Blog stalking tells you less about a person than Facebook stalking. It's a fact. But it tells you more about who they want to be.

-I miss my sister's dog. Which is weird because she peed on my bed all the time. The dog, not my sister.

-In my dream world, I graduate with my Bachelor's in two more years, take a year off and live inside random National Parks, and then either get some incredible career started, or go to grad school in Oregon. 

-I want to fall in love. It doesn't have to be now. It doesn't even have to be relatively soon. I just want to experience it for the first time, to see if what all the songs say is true.


"You know, the thing about love - it's the only thing that truly is everything its cracked up to be."

I Believe In All Those Days

Friends, Romans, Countrymen -

As you are about to see/hear, this is my first song ever. As I am quite new to this, and a girl, I would love all feedback that is constructive/gentle. I know I pause a lot, srry. I'll post the lyrics below because I think it's a little hard to hear/understand at times. Well, here goes nothing! 

Merissa Homer ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2012

VERSIONS

Before when you would smile

I swear the sun was always shining

But now all you can find

Is one more reason to be crying

I know that word can give a fright

Sneak in your room and grab you tight

But I believe in all those days

Before you went and changed

Cuz when i'd see those eyes

That's how I knew things would be alright

Yeah when i'd see those eyes

I'd never seen a thing so bright

And I know it stands for something

When your face comes into view

Cuz now your heart is in a different place

And I see a different version of you

So now let's cut to October

Where we'll pray for a few warm days

And we can contemplate what happened

To those things we swore would never change

I guess we just had different thoughts

On who we were, or why we fought

I'd die for one more taste 

Of how things were before I left that place

Cuz when i'd see those eyes

I thought, hey maybe we'll be alright

Yeah If I could just see those eyes

I think i'd shed a tear at the sight

And I know it stands for something

When your face comes into view

Cuz now your heart is in a different place

And I see a different version of you

And maybe i'm over thinking it

We both know that's my pony trick

But I can't stop pondering those notes, that air

And why I can't bring myself to abandon this ship

I don't say this cuz I hate you

You know these words aren't out of spite

As a matter of fact I still believe in you

Even more than I did that very first night

And what I wish more than anything

More than I thought I ever could

Is to know if you meant it when you said those words

When you spoke that phrase "For Good"

Cuz remembering those times

I hope our things will turn out right

Yeah remembering those times

I think I could shrug off one more slight

I know it would stand for something

If your euphoric face came into view

Then i'd know your heart was in that good old place

I'd see my favorite version of you

And I know you'll stand for something

When you meet Him in that glowing hue

I just hope you'll accept the version He sees

Because He wants what's best for you

Yeah I hope you'll accept the version He sees 

Cuz He knows what's best for you

Yeah I hope you'll accept the version He sees

Cuz He just knows what's best for you

Take Me Home, Country Roads

Country Roads - John Denver


My uncle, Rob, has had a love for the music of good ol' John Denver for as long as I can remember. I kind of grew up on it, and as I've gotten older (and worked at RMD) i've learned to love it. There are plenty of songs I hold more dear than this one, but this one just feels right for the time being.

So i'm back in beloved Logan, working at the Derm office again like last summer. I really do love working there, I don't think I realized how much I really missed it. Honestly, i'm just happy to be able to be saving up for school in the fall. Words cannot describe how excited I am to go back down to SUU! I've missed my college pals, the lifestyle, the learning, and I have the greatest living situation set up (assuming the building doesn't get condemned half way through the semester).

My family has been hit pretty heavy by the illness stick lately. My mom, dad, and older brother have had the nastiest cough/congestion thing going on for about 2 weeks. One of my older sisters has been having issues with her eye for a couple of years now and recently has had some more severe acute problems. One of my little brothers is in the process of being diagnosed for what appears to be a congenital defect in his spine that was unbeknownst to us for the past 17 years. Basically, i'm feeling really blessed to have the health that I do. But i'm also trying to mentally prepare for some potentially hard times with the fam. The crazy thing about medicine and sickness is that you never really know what's just around the corner until it comes up and smacks you straight in the face. You just have to pray for the ability to accept whatever comes your way and the patience to get through it.

Though to be honest, that pretty much sums up what you have to do with anything in life.

"Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home."

In The Belly Of The Beast

Well. This line is actually used in two different songs by the same band, Death Cab For Cutie. So I guess i'll post both videos since both songs are amazing. I love their music like cranberries love invading all other juice drinks.

Stay Young, Go Dancing


Why You'd Want To Live Here


I feel like i'm generally a fairly grateful person. Not always. Definitely not perfect. But I try. I try to notice the things around me that are amazing even though they are commonplace.

Take a pen for example. Those things enable you to write down whatever you want, at the click of a click-top or the twist of a cap. It could be poetry, a grocery list, a homework assignment, a love letter, a ransom note, a to-do list, it doesn't matter. The pen doesn't care. It just does what it is asked to do. It's an amazing little device, but most the time we don't even stop to consider just how awesome it is.

I have recently fallen ill to some unknown bug that is going around. Both of my roommates are now suffering as well, it's not a fun feeling. But it made me think about how many things I take for granted until they are absent from my life, like simple health. I don't realize how great it is to be free of sickness until I cough every 45 seconds. And when I do cough, my head feels like it is about to explode. Do you know how awesome it would be to breathe out of my nose right now? Unless you are also sick (in which case I sympathize deeply with you), take a second to realize how good you have it!

Anyways, today I was thinking about some of the things that I AM happy to have in my life. Things like microwavable minute rice, drawstring trash bags, and liquid soap. And then I started thinking about some of the things that i'm grateful are NOT in my life. And I came up with a small list. And since it had been a while since I posted, I thought I'd share. So here you go, a list of things i'm grateful are not part of my life.

-An ingrown toenail

-A mortgage payment

-Any serious/long-term disease

-Termites

-MOSQUITOS!!!

-Impacted wisdom teeth

-Horrible roommates

-Cockroaches

-A smoking habit

-Drug/alcohol dependency

-An eating disorder

-Deafness

-Blindness

-A gambling addiction

-A rabid animal attack

-A peanut allergy


When/if any of these things do become part of my life, I'm sure I will learn from them and chalk one up for experience. But until then, I'm glad they're not :)



"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."
- Thornton Wilder

Kony 2012 - Awareness

First, i'd like to make the information i'm pulling some of these ideas, facts, and opinions from available to everyone. As there have been numerous responses and critiques to the Kony 2012 campaign, Invisible Children posted some facts and explanations that I believe help clear up a lot of the questions posed by anti-IC groups and individuals. The link to that page can be found here.

The following is a quote from the aforementioned Visible Children post. While VC is definitely NOT the only one posing this question, I feel that this quote represents the question/issue found in numerous other sources.

"Is awareness good? Yes. But these problems are highly complex, not one-dimensional and, frankly, aren’t of the nature that can be solved by postering, film-making and changing your Facebook profile picture, as hard as that is to swallow."


Ahem. 


Let me first remind this blogosphere of one of the many campaign slogans of the Invisible Children Kony 2012 project.


Make Him Famous


So yes, its true that one person changing one Facebook profile picture will not capture Kony. But if you think it doesn't make any difference, you don't understand social media. Have you heard of the snowball effect? 3 people change their picture, or post a status, or tweet a link, or view a video. And then 3 of their friends. And 3 friends of those friends. And before you know it, a video that has been on the internet for 3 days has nearly 40 million views. (which is exactly what the Kony 2012 video has done) People notice. And if people are willing to take their newfound awareness and turn it into action, action like writing a congressman, making their voice heard, etc... the government will take heed. The world can change. And those 3 people who changed their profile picture are part of something MUCH bigger. Allow me to quote something I wrote in response to someones anti-social media post, citing the Kony 2012 campaign as a passing fad to which a Facebook status will not aid and does not "put a bullet in Kony's head". (Which, by the way, is NOT the goal of Invisible Children. Putting him on trial in the International Criminal Court IS) 


"...I think the people who are opposing this "trend" don't quite understand the power of social media. A facebook status, while it doesn't physically put a bullet in Kony's head, spreads awareness. So does a tweet, a blog post, a YouTube video, etc... We are asking people to get educated, isn't that what spreading the word about Kony is doing? Allowing people to educate themselves? Justin Beiber started out as a kid on YouTube, and he's now one of the most famous individuals in the world. Social media and the internet are the new picket lines, the rally's, the marches, the protests. This is how people are spreading the word, its faster, cheaper, more efficient, and more widespread than anything ever used before."

So I agree that these problems are "highly complex, not one-dimensional". But since nothing will ever happen to solve the problem until people know that the problem exists, I cannot agree with the statement that these problems "...aren’t of the nature that can be solved by postering, film-making and changing your Facebook profile picture." This problem is exactly the kind of problem whose solving starts with postering, film-making, and changing your Facebook profile picture. A problem that has been going on for 20 years and has received little to no attention before now, a problem that was invisible, needs to be visible. And that's exactly why we are making Kony famous. Because it is the first step towards bringing justice to him, and towards giving all the children affected by the LRA a chance to be liberated, and to make sure another generation isn't forced to suffer through it. 

Overall, I don't even mind if people want to hate me for using social media, whether they understand it or not. To state my reasoning for such an attitude, allow me to once again echo what I have said on Facebook once before.

"Hate me for 'jumping on the bandwagon'

Ridicule me for being young and joining a cause

Criticize me for using social media as part of my effort to spread the word

Judge me for 'following the trend'

Bash on me for supporting one movement when there are so many others worth of support

No really, please do. Because when it comes to making Kony famous, even the haters help move the campaign move forward.

No publicity is bad publicity my friends.

If you're gonna support, support. If you're gonna hate, hate. But if you're looking to down this movement, just know that even negative attention is attention. And attention is what we are looking for.

STOP KONY 2012"

As i've said before on my blog, twitter, and Facebook, nothing I am saying is meant to be a personal attack on individuals whose views differ from mine. I put this information forward simply as a resource for those who would like to be informed and are interested in hearing all sides of the story. If you would like to discuss this topic in a civilized manner, I am more than willing to chat. Just message, comment or post and i'd be happy to talk. 

www.kony2012.com

A title that's not from a song...this must be serious. Kony 2012 - Finances

I originally started writing this as a Facebook status, but quickly realized it would be much too long for that. If you've seen my Facebook, or pretty much even been on Facebook at all in the last 24 hours, you've likely been bombarded by links, videos, pictures, and talk about Kony 2012. Well, here's another post to add to the list.

I'd like to say something about the Visible Children (henceforth referred to as VC) tumblr link and the "thedailywh.at" link that have been going around in response to the Kony 2012 video (click the word video to go to YouTube and watch the film. It's worth the 30 minutes.)

I realize that what I am about to say in no way completely discredits either of these posts, but this is one point that i'd like to focus on. I have a feeling that I may be backing up IC on more than one point in the future, so this one is entitled Finances.

May I also say that my forthcoming words are in no way meant to be a personal attack or slight on anyone that opposes the Invisible Children-led Kony 2012 campaign. That is their decision to make. I simply would like to bring up a few things to think about after these links attempt to 'educate' you out of supporting Invisible Children (henceforth referred to as IC).

It seems today has ushered in an abundance of "We hate Kony, but we're also anti-IC" articles, letters, posts and other such things who seem to enjoy pointing out finances when trying to debunk IC and discourage support of the Kony 2012 campaign.

"Last year, the organization [referring to Invisible Children] spent $8,676,614. Only 32% went to direct services, with much of the rest going to staff salaries, travel and transport, and film production."

^
quote from VC post

I'd like to look at this logically.

-Any organization that is based in San Diego and has offices in Central Africa will spend large amounts of money on travel. IC falls under that category. Makes sense to me.
-IC is run by none other than human beings. Human beings who have families to provide for, bills to pay, and thus must have an income. Any charity/organization will have staff salaries on their books. Otherwise there would be no staff.
-IC is an organization that was created by three filmmakers who originally went to Africa just to make a film about their adventures in a new place. When they saw the horrendous condition the children were living in and the conflict surrounding it, they decided to make it a documentary to bring back to the US to "make the invisible, visible" thus the name of their organization, Invisible Children. As an organization that specializes in advocacy and awareness-spreading films, it is inevitable that film production would take a large portion of the spending.

Being upset that IC spends money on travel, staff, and film is like being upset that an independent doctor spends money on a building lease, nurses, and rubber gloves. Sure, those aren't the main things that bring you to the doctor, but they are inevitable expenses without which, the practice would become defunct.

And I know this next bit isn't really a good argument, but I had to say it. Even just 32% of that approximately 8.6 million is $2,776,516.48 - Please show me any other "fauxtivist fad sweeping the web", as the "thedailywh.at" post so fondly describes this movement, that spends almost 3 million dollars on direct aid. I don't know about you, but if my main goal was to scam people out of their money and prey on their "white guilt", i'd be shoving that 3 million into my own pockets.

Lastly, i'd like to point out that IC DOES NOT claim anywhere that 100% of donations will go to direct aid. Many people have said they feel that IC is a scam and they cheat people out their money. If you are looking for an organization who has no money going to overhead, travel, advertising, etc...I wish you the best of luck. But don't feel like you are paying for IC to purchase yachts or convertibles when you see that there is another 68% not going towards direct aid. You're paying for the building, nurses, and rubber gloves.

PS - If anyone has opposing views, i'd love to hear them. In a civil manner. So send me a message on Facebook or something and we can have an open, non-name-calling discussion that would actually stay on point instead of getting out of hand. I can't stay on YouTube very long for that reason alone, it makes me angry.

*For the record, the video which was posted 2 days ago currently has over 11 million views*

www.kony2012.com MAKE HIM FAMOUS

Give Me A Pure Love

Song: Tell Me
Artist: He Is We





Under my bed, there is a box. It looks like this.

And inside, it looks like this.

Those are all things that look like this.

Letters, tickets, buttons, postcards, notes, birthday cards, all sorts of fun stuff. I think a lot of people have one of these boxes. Mine contains pretty much every letter/note type thing i've received since I was about 8 years old. Occasionally (aka when I remember) I save tickets from concerts or sporting events or other such things as well. But mostly, its letters.

I love mail. Sending and receiving. Sure, stamps can add up quickly and going to the mailbox can be inconvenient. But I think it's worth it. There's just something  about knowing someone took the time out of their day to sit down and write a letter, just for me. Words cannot describe how happy I feel to see my name and address on an envelope, just waiting to be torn open and its contents devoured, in a manner of speaking.

On the other hand, things like Skype and FaceTime are awesome. I think video calls are some of the best ways to truly keep in touch with people. Every time I end a call with one of my sister's where I get to see them and their kids smile and hear them laugh, I walk away feeling awed and grateful for technology. I can't possibly number the Skype calls that got me through my first semester of college. I even got to see my friend's face and hear her voice when she opened her mission call thousands of miles away in China. If that's not amazing, I don't know what is. Technology gets a thumbs up from me.

Phone calls? Also excellent.

Emails? When they are from a Missionary, they are almost as good as letters.

A text message? Still feel the love, but maybe not quite as much.

Twitter or Facebook? Better than nothing.

Overall, I think letters are THE BEST. Maybe that's just me. I know some people like the cheap and free nature of more advanced communication forms. But if it were me, i'd rather receive a letter ANY day.

So, friends, if you want to make someone's day, send them a letter. Not just me, it could be anyone. Someone you haven't talked with in a long time, someone you see nearly everyday, your mom, your friend, that one teacher you had in 3rd grade who taught you to love math, your favorite author, your significant other, your old roommate, anyone who you feel like catching up with.

I can almost guarantee they'll appreciate it.

Unless it's a hate letter. In that case, don't send it at all. Burn it and wait til you are in a better mood.

I love my box. Every once in a while, when I have absurd amounts of free time, I'll pull it out and go through all the letters and notes and momentos and just sit and let the memories wash over me. It's a unique feeling, and I hope it doesn't turn me into a pack rat. But more than anything, I usually come away from those letter-reading sessions feeling loved and connected. And that's something I wouldn't trade for the world.



"It is easy to say how we love new friends, and what we think of them, but words can never trace out all the fibers that knit us to the old." -George Eliot

Not The Average Girl From Your Video

Title: Video

Artist: India.Arie

If you are a woman, especially a teenager, please listen to this song. Make these words your own.

If you are a man, please listen to this song. Help women believe the message in this song is acceptable, even beautiful. 

I've been watching a lot of movies lately. Angels in the Outfield, Brother Bear, Beauty and the Beast, etc... But the one I watched most recently has really stuck out to me. 

"My Sister's Keeper" based on the novel by Jodi Picoult. 

I've heard from a lot of different people that the movie strays from the book quite a bit. I know that makes some people really mad, but I haven't read the book yet for myself. So I really don't know. (For the record, I do own the book and its next on my to-read list)

Kate, a 15 year old girl, has been battling leukemia almost her whole life. The story goes through the struggles that tear her family apart, and how they are sometimes the exact same things that bring them closer together. I won't go into it more than that just in case some of you haven't seen or read it yet, but intend to do so. (I'd recommend it) 

There is a scene where Kate's mom, Sara (Camreon Diaz) decides to try and help Kate not feel so self-conscious about being bald.

I hated that scene. Because it made me cry ;) 

But honestly, it was a really odd feeling to watch that. By no means am I pretending to understand what it feels like to have a child with cancer or anything along those lines. But that one portion of that one scene, I almost felt connected to their battle in a way. When I saw this movie back when it came out in 2009, that scene probably didn't even phase me. Now, I can't exactly say that.

Brittny, Mom, Kira, Jenny, and Shelly i'm sure could relate.

Kristi too. She's usually the one behind the camera. (If you like her work, such as these two pictures, check out more HERE)

 

For those of you who don't know, back in November, a large portion of my family as well as some of the members of the Logan UT community shaved their heads as part of a fundraising effort for the St. Baldrick's Foundation. St. Baldrick's is an organization committed to researching and finding a cure for children's cancer. How it basically works is this:

A person decides they are willing to shave their head if a certain amount of money is raised. In order to generate the money, the shavee asks around neighbors, friends, businesses, etc for donations. 

For example, Dr. Robert Young and his medical practice, Rocky Mountain Dermatology, hosted the event. Dr Young said if $10,000 was raised, he would shave his head. Since the RMD/St Baldrick's event raised over $16,000 (setting a record for the state of UT), it's safe to say Dr Young was bald for a while :)

The inspiration for this whole thing was a 3 year old kid named Tyson. Tyson's mom is my mom's cousin. Last April he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Even though i've never actually met this little guy face to face, I feel blessed to have been able to be a part of this event in his honor. His mom keeps a blog of his battle, and if you ever feel like you need to be reminded what it is to feel human again, you can read it HERE.

Most of the time, Tyson is a normal little kid. He makes messes, plays video games, and hangs out with his brothers and sisters. 

But sometimes, Tyson doesn't get to be a normal little kid. 

Right now he has to take 10 pills every Thursday. 

Last night, he had to make a midnight platelet run to the "helicopter hospital" as he refers to it since there is a heli-pad outside the pediatric floor. 

Oh, and Tyson's dad, Brady - you can see him in the back there. Brady was stationed in Iraq when the diagnosis came back in April 2011. 

It is quite the interesting sentiment to watch a movie like My Sister's Keeper, reach up to my own head and feel the few inches of hair that have grown back since November, and then remember that there are real people, real families, who have to go through this stuff every day of their lives. Families like Tyson's. And it just makes me wonder how many more kids, how many more families will have to fight this fight of childhood cancer before we can finally find a cure. 

Here's to hoping, praying, and head-shaving-fundraising that the number is a big fat zero sooner than later.

Also, if you or anyone you know may be struggling with the hair-loss effects of chemo, I invite you to listen to this song. It played for about a month straight after I shaved my head ;)

I Am Not My Hair feat. P!nk - India.Arie

This is a video from when I was on the talk show at my college, Southern Utah University, for the St Baldrick's event.

This is a video that my cousin put together. Be aware, you may need a tissue :)

"Some days there won't be a song in your heart.  Sing anyway."  ~Emory Austin

Within My Heart A Welcome Guest

Today's title comes from the hymn Abide with Me; 'Tis Eventide.


Whatever you are doing right now, STOP.

Look around you.

Think of five things that you can currently see/feel/hear/etc... that you are grateful for.

Here are my 5.

1 - A computer to type this on.
2 - Fingers and hands that function properly.
3 - My LTC bracelet.
4 - The music playing on my phone.
5 - This super comfortable couch i'm sitting on.

That wasn't too hard. 5 really isn't that many once you get going. I could have probably written at least a few dozen more off the top of my head, just by noticing what is around me right in this moment. And I bet you could too. How about eyes to see this screen? Or a mind that allows me to press these buttons and make words? I'm happy to have all these things.

The cool thing about being happy, is it gives you a lot to be grateful for. And when you are full of gratitude, you are usually happier because you realize how much you already have. So really I could have said, "Think of five things that make you happy" and you could probably list some of the same things.

That doesn't mean I can only be grateful when i'm happy. Maybe I got a paper cut; that definitely doesn't make me happy. But I can be grateful that it was a paper cut instead of a machete and I didn't bleed to death. And then i'm happy that i'm still alive. So maybe gratitude can bring forth happiness?


I've had a lot of time to think lately. And the idea of 'happiness' has been on my mind since I work at "The Happiest Place on Earth". What does that word even mean, happy? Is happiness the same for everyone? What makes me happy? Am I currently happy? If not, why? Sometimes I think my mind is its own 4 year old, asking questions ALL the time. And sometimes I think it's pointless to spend so much time thinking about random stuff like this. But nevertheless, happiness has been the topic of ponderance as of late. And here's what i've come up with.

You are exactly as happy as you make your mind up to be.

If I really, really want to be happy, i'll find things that make me happy. But if I have a sour attitude and think the world sucks, i'm going to seek out the things that make that idea true. It's called the confirmation bias in research and statistics. We have a tendency to latch onto the things that coincide with our ideal and brush away the things that disprove or disagree with it.

*Side note, I think this is a huge part of eating disorders and self-esteem issues. If a teenage girl thinks she is fat, she will ONLY notice the things that confirm this, but she'll shun any comments or facts that suggest otherwise. But that theory is for another time.*

SO, what i'm saying is this. I, as most people do, want to be happy. And I want to figure out what will help me gain that happiness. But when it comes down to it, it's all up to me. A mickey mouse shaped ice cream can't MAKE me happy. It can help. It can influence. It can bring about happy thoughts. But it  is up to me to DECIDE if i'm going to be happy or not. Truly, truly happy.

Lately, i've noticed that the more I realize the astounding quantity and quality of things I am grateful for, the easier it is to let myself be happy. How can I be in a bad mood when I sit down and realize that God gave me a respiratory system that keeps me breathing without me even having to think about it? My lungs are literally helping keep me alive and I don't even notice them most of the time. Or how about the sun? The sun is amazing! It brings beauty when it rises and sets, light and warmth during the day, helps nature grow, makes biological life processes possible, etc... And those are just physical things. I won't even get into what a miracle and a blessing Grace is, or how I truly stand all amazed when I think of what Jesus Christ went through for me and what it allows. All in all, when I understand how much i've been given, i'm completely overwhelmed with gratitude. And guess what follow soon thereafter? Happiness :)

I don't know if there is really a "secret" to life, but I think gratitude is at least a hint.

PS: Totally unrelated side note - It's Abraham Lincoln's birthday today! 203 years. He was an incredible man, whose picture is currently hanging on my wall. If any of you were wondering "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln" at the Opera House is my favorite part of Disneyland. Nerd status, I know. But he's just that great :)

"All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." - Abraham Lincoln

Your Heart Is Big Enough For Two

Song: Cross My Heart
Artist: The Rocket Summer




MUSIC

It's a beautiful thing. It's one of my passions. Which is a strange thing to say when you consider that I don't play a single instrument, I can't read a lick of music, and the closest i've come to performing was a community theatre production of The Wizard of Oz when I was in 5th grade. But if you've been in the same room as me for more than 20 minutes, you've probably heard me sing or hum or whistle.

My sister Kristi once taught me and my friend the cure for the blues pretty early in my high school career. She said that when you need to be, to just exist and think, this is what you do. And the first step is optional depending on if you feel like spending money. But here it is.

Step 1: Go to McDonalds and purchase ice cream.
Step 2: Roll the windows down in your car.
Step 3: Turn up your music.
Step 4: Drive.

I never forgot that lesson. My favorite place on earth to follow those steps is in Logan, taking the long way home along 1st Dam from the Lundstrom Park area to Cliffside.



If you want to know the quantity of music in my life, here you go. You can even ask my roommates. If i'm doing the dishes: there's music. If i'm waiting for water to boil: music. What does my alarm clock do to wake me up in the morning? Plays music. It is constant. If i've ever posted something you don't quite understand or doesn't seem applicable on Facebook or Twitter, it's more than likely lyrics to whatever song i'm listening to at the moment. Where does the name of my blog come from? Lyrics from a song. What does every single one of my blog posts contain? Each title is from a song, and there's usually a link so you can listen to it. What is taking up half of one of the two drawers I have? Band t-shirts. I've made it a point to get a t-shirt at every concert I go to. What do I write at the bottom of every entry in my journal? The name of my favorite song for that day.


It's gotten to the point that I sometimes don't even realize that i'm doing these things.

Yesterday when I was riding the elevator up to my apartment, I noticed the other two girls in the elevator were kind of shooting me confused looks and that's when I realized I was singing out loud.

 Last week one of my roommates said she thought she recognized "that song." I said "What song?" She said "The one you're humming."

I can't tell you how many times i'll be having a conversation with someone and i'll pause and say, "That reminds me of a song." Needless to say, music is a fairly prominent part of my life.

I once had an experience with music that was the closest i've ever felt to transcendent. I won't attempt to describe it because I honestly know that the inadequacy of my words compared to what was felt would be disgraceful. I legitimately do not think the words exist in the English language to be able to adequately portray the experience. I think the friend that was with me will be the only human being i'll ever be able to try and discuss it with. There is one song in particular from that experience that I still can't bring myself to listen to. That is undeniably the most infinite moment that music has ever brought to my life.


The funny thing about music is that it can help you feel so many things. And I choose my words carefully because I don't think music is forceful. Powerful, yes. But not forceful. It can't MAKE you feel anything, it can only amplify what is already in you.

I don't think "that one song" that reminds you of your high school prom MAKES you nostalgic or teary-eyed, it's just a pathway for those memories to flow through. And I don't think my favorite hymn is in and of itself a monolith of spirituality, but what it directs my thoughts and feelings towards, that is what makes it so powerful. 

Don't get me wrong, I realize that not all music is rainbows and butterflies. I think music is one of the most powerful influences in existence, for both good and bad, but that's all it is. An influence. Individuals are still responsible for their actions. And to go one step further, we are responsible for what we let influence us. If I don't like the direction a song is directing me , I am fully capable of using the on/off switch or clicking fast forward to the next song. Don't praise the music for the good, don't blame it for the bad. It's still people making choices when it comes down to it.

That felt a little soapbox-y. Sorry.

The reason I started writing this post in the first place is that one of my favorite songs of all time came on shuffle. (Don't you love when that happens? It's like iTunes is giving you a hi-five.) And now that i'm to this point in the post, I realize that i'm going to need more than one post if I want to truly chronicle everything I feel about music. So i'll cut to the chase here of why I started this one.

The title-song for this post, as mentioned above, is Cross My Heart by a band named The Rocket Summer. I could do an entire post on TRS itself, and come to think of it, I never did write about that concert back in September. I'll save that one for another day though. Anyways, this song is just...amazing to me. The Rocket Summer is one of those bands that is definitely not for everyone. His voice is quite unique and i'll even admit that the first time I heard one of his songs, I was not a fan. I thought his voice was annoying and not that good. And even now i'll admit that he probably is not the most technically sound singer, but I choose to look past that. So many of his songs are just chock full of incredible lyrics. And the story behind his band is just so great if you ask me.

Okay i'm sorry, i'm getting carried away. Back to the point.

Cross My Heart is one of those songs that I could listen to 30 times in a row and never get tired of it. I know this for a fact because after I went to his concert, I did just that. Probably more than 30 actually. Something about the rhythm and how ridiculously upbeat it is and how honest the words are and how intimate the sound is and the way it builds from the simple strums at the beginning to the full blown "If I listen to this song anywhere but my locked bedroom or my car, people will think i'm insane because of how I dance and scream along to the lyrics." and then back to the softer but still upbeat bridge-thing (I don't know what it actually is called). I don't know.  It's just one of those songs that I think could help me smile no matter what kind of day i'm having. 

And my point in writing this post is to ask: do you guys have a song like that for you? If so, I want to know what it is. Comment or write your own post and tell me what song is your Happy Song. When did you first hear it? What memories are tied to it that make it so great for you? What's your favorite line? Tell me YOUR story :)

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." -Aldous Huxley